Before we get into the details of the road trip, one must know why this trip occurred. It started last week when my father-in-law placed an order for a cotton candy machine as well as quite a bit of supplies. Friday he received a call that his card couldn’t be processed and that he would have to call back Monday since they are closed on weekends. This is wonderful news as he made obligations to set up a few places during the following weekend. Now, this machine may not even be here in time if he places the order just 4 days before as shipping is 3-7 days. On Sunday Tiffani and myself had visited her aunt, uncle, and cousins for much of the day and when I get back that evening I was shocked to hear what her father had planned. We were going to do a mad dash to Iowa and be at their company doors when they opened Monday morning.

We fill a cooler with drinks, sandwiches, and various other junk foods to keep us awake and throw some blankets in the van and head out. Night fall had already begun by this time. We drive through the night past Nashville, Clarksville, and St. Louis. Shortly after St. Louis the sun came up. We thought we were making wonderful time, but we weren’t really. After St. Louis the roads became extraordinarily flat and straight, and seemingly takes forever to traverse. It was about this time corn fields took over the field of view. Where does all of this corn go?

After we hit Kansas City we shot straight up on an interstate route that quickly became a US route. This road held us captive for five hours. Five hours on a straight road looking at the horizon that never gets closer is frightening. Anytime we expected some mounties to check our passports for Canada. And the corn! I seriously want to know who could eat all of this corn. I’m starting to think that all of it is government subsidized and will get the garbage bin treatment. We all know the government pays farmers to produce too much, but what do they do with it. Nothing useful I presume. I’ll not touch that topic, it would get me started.

Finally we get to the next road hours later to only get behind large trucks carrying what looks to be either storm shelters or large septic tanks. I’m still not sure what they were. We finally arrive in the town of Breda, population of 477 (all of which located on a half a square mile). I began to wonder what a distributor was doing in such a small town past nowheresville. It was pretty easy to find. We came through from the right end side of town and Snappy Popcorn was on the other side of town. All 5 streets over. We got there at noon and just our luck the staff was out to lunch. The last McDonald’s was so far in our memory we asked everyone in town what there was to eat. Everyone said the Country Store. So we go to the Country Store.

Not to be stereotypical, but wow! If you have seen movies of a small country store/restaurant in the middle of nowhere than you’ve seen this place before. The clerk was this older gentleman with short gray hair and standard issue work bibs. He spoke slow and always smiled. I thought I was on some candid video show, but then I realized this must be real. The menu read “Dinner Special: Lasagna, Lettuce, Homemade Bread, Desert.” We asked what the lettuce was for and he replied it was a lettuce salad. Fair enough. We sit down at one of the tables and he brings us our “salad.” It was a tiny bowl with lettuce in it. That’s it. Lettuce.

So we’re enjoying our lettuce… I mean Salad, and my stomach began to rumble violently. Do not, I repeat, do not eat four bowls of chili in preparation to drive cross country. I quickly ask where the restroom is. Ick! I wish I had my camera because it was the epitome of hick town bathrooms. I’m doing the squeeze the legs together, hopping up and down, and praying I can hold out until I can make a toilet seat cover out of toilet tissue in time. I did make it in time, thankfully. While in the bathroom I could hear dishes clanging behind my head. The kitchen is right on the other side of the wall. I bet they heard everything. Dumb & Dumber comes to mind right about now. And every time they would run water I would hear the sink beside me gurgle.

I get back out to the table and our plates had arrived. The lasagna was actually good. Way better than I expected after our so-called salad. Honestly, would adding at least a few croutons cost too much? The desert was an apple cobbler, and do they ever know how to make apple cobbler in this little town. But, the homemade bread wasn’t white or wheat. It was cinnamon bread. That’s not quite what I had in mind for dinner bread. So really we had lettuce, lasagna, and two deserts. We finish up our meal and head back to the factory.

They were shocked to see us. I guess not many people drive nearly 2000 miles round trip to pick up a cotton candy machine. We told them it was nothing personal, but they’d never see us again. That trip was horrendously long. After loading up all eight or nine crates we get ready to head back towards Tennessee. About this time the sky turns black and we hear the loudest thunder I’ve heard in my life. We ask them if they are expecting bad storms and they replied “nah, we’re just expecting a little rain.” So to put it bluntly, until you see a bunch of Iowans run towards storm shelters you are probably safe from the storm.

As sick of corn as we were, we decided to go another route. We thought going over close to Chicago than cutting straight down would be more eye appeasing. Nope, it was about the same. Iowa is a little over two times wider than my home state. This was a horrible drive. It was getting dark before we cross the state border. I did manage to take some pictures of the Upper Mississippi River at the edge of dark. We were in Iowa about eight hours out of the 36 hour trip. The worst was yet to come. Illinois is a very tall state, and we entered it at the top expecting to cut down through quickly. Seven hours through one state. Unlike Iowa where we entered the state and then left, this was just trying to go through the state. Finally we cross into the Kentucky border which was just a little bit from Tennessee. We arrived home at a little after noon, on Tuesday.

We unload the cargo and take showers as we were rank. After we are more comfortable and a little less hungry we start looking into the contents. Everything had Gold Medal labeling on it. At first we though the machine was just made by them and Snappy distributes it. But, GM makes the mixed sugar, the bags, and every single thing else imaginable. Interested, we look it up online. Gold Medal is located in Cincinnati, Ohio. And, they make everything one could need for this market. The web site says call for prices, however. But, we did request a catalog from them. If we don’t have to go through a middle man anymore we won’t.

In retrospect, a popcorn distributor in the middle of 500 miles of corn makes sense now. And, we’ve learned our lessen for sure. A 2000 mile round trip in a day and a half is a little far fetched. It can be done but with only a few hours of sleep. We stopped at gas stations and nodded off for about two or three hours only twice. We switched driver roles every four to five hours but neither of us could fall asleep with the other driving. Counting sleep time we spent 36 hours on the road. In this short amount of time we saw Nashville, Clarksville, The Ohio River (close to where it meets the Mississippi so it was HUGE.), St. Louis and the Arch, Kansas City, 1000 miles of corn fields, De Soto Iowa, De Moines, Davenport, and The Upper Mississippi River. We passed through states as follows: Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, Iowa, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee. We were in Kansas City but we were on the Missouri side of the river and thus never officially entered Kansas. A slide show of photos from the trip follow while larger images are located in the photo album.